Story 114

Thank you Zelda Perkins and Julie Macfarlane , Order of Canada recipient .
Thank you for helping me personally and making it possible for me to move forward with pride.

Thank you to volunteers of Can’t Buy My Silence website.

I didn’t know for years after unbeknownst to me  , I signed a padlock on my freedom for many years. I thought it was simply a , I keep quiet , you keep quiet . Forgive don’t forget. Kind of idea.

In order to receive in part , my inheritance , I  brought forward my truthful allegations .

I am an intelligent creative woman who just couldn’t focus at school or college although excelled for a while in filmmaking and photography .
I dropped out.
I dropped out of life. 

Abuse shattered me.
NDA was so restrictive and another dreadful abuse of my  right to speak and share and write or film stories. To heal and help others. I was silenced. I am silenced .

Regarding NDA process,
I had asked to meet with perpetrator who abused me .
An apology .
To be free of their clutches.
None of the above happened.

I just received copy of NDA.
After a long while.

Had to find a lawyer to read as I didn’t understand legal jargon.
I was stunned that it was legal.

I couldn’t stand up for myself against onslaught of damaging vicious attacks.
They could say whatever they wanted to and did even more damage to me. Can still do so.

Abuse changes your life.
Akin to a quarry pit of sharp boulders to climb over and around.
A minefield of dreadful painful doubts , shame, emotional pain.
For most of my life.
I’m old now.

I did get free of alcohol.
Mostly free now from paralysis of abuses including dreadfully prohibitive  at times untruthful NDA .
I signed without reading it.
Alone and exhausted
My lawyer did his best against Goliath .
A ferocious long battle.
A psychologist over decades helped me grow stronger.
I adjusted to life with support of many loving people .
I grew stronger after attacks even continuing today about my honesty and integrity .
My worth?


After years of psychological help and support from a few close friends plus my battle to overcome abuse now I am able to write in my later life that,
I am impeccably honest .
Kind.
Generous
Financially poor
Rich in spirit
Broken body
Long time volunteer for the marginalized and abandoned ones.
Loved
I love well
Compassionate

I was a loner
Often was isolated
Lived in terror for a very long time
Recently came under verbal vile attack by some one whom I trusted .  This attack awakened a  sleeping giant within, briefly . A post traumatic stress attack  . Two days later with support from friends , I got righted up .
I  have had similar attacks from others over the years ; people  who  shun , slander  , lies ,gossip hatefully or attack in other ways .

My resolve now is to fight against nda abuses . Wow ! Empowering even though anonymous authors .

I am so much stronger today .
Years of pain addiction and abandonment by a large swath of persons who were close to me.
Left me shattered for decades.

The NDA I signed sealed my voice .
Against lies.
Left me looking over my shoulder often . Earlier on years.
Wow, I had believed in justice.
In my case , our cases this didn’t happen . I became traumatized again , for a long long time.

I thought I was going to be free.

I am blessed that grace carried me onto a wide pretty smooth road of compassion. 
A little bumpy and slippery sometimes.
Compassion is truly a gift.
I am thankful for this opportunity to stand with you all.

I could not join Me Too movement .

I will keep my silence
I will not bend to threats ever again.
I have learned now in the late Autumn of my life that I am no longer chained by their lies. Abuses from many.

I am finally free of believing them
The bullies the aggressors
Scarred
Reshaped
Healing always .
Still see psychologist .

Completing this part of my journey in anonymously writing why I am opposed to the nda misuses. Is so freeing. A gift of love.

My revenge ,if you like is that I am so much stronger wiser and free of what other frightened greedy bullies say about me.
I am standing firm . I hold fast.
I am free of addictions.
I have a voice today !

We can change these oppressive laws.
Standing united in our truth.
Took me a few years to step forward and ask to write my truth .

Thank you Julie Macfarlane for your help.
Your book is setting me freer and fuller of understanding with deep gratitude to you .
So very thankful to Julie in sharing her horrific abuse and rising up and leading the charge alongside of Zelda Perkins also all of us ,who stepped another huge giant step  toward making our voices heard , at last .

We carry the torch of hope and courage.
I applaud all who came forward and all who struggle to live.

My kind of heroes.